i couldn't help myself

I couldn't help but change a few things in my WIP. I've been trying to write this novel without changing or editing anything (except spell-check), because I want to finish it, and anything that gets in the way of that is bad.

But I couldn't help myself. I had to change certain things that didn't quite make sense to me when I read them, like once I wrote "inside" when I meant "outside" and things like that. And I added to the draft in a few places, just with a few words 0r note of further explanation.

I was strict with myself, though. I refused to let myself delete anything at all, or add significantly. When I would run across a sentence that would look better structured a different way, or something looked like it would fit better in the first part of the paragraph rather than the last sentence, I did not let myself change it. I know for me, this is a possible pathway to demise. I kept telling myself, if this is obvious now, it will be obvious to me later. I can wait.

Lately I've even been scared of reading the thing, partly I'm afraid of getting tired of it; I know the feeling of reading the first paragraph so many times you've beyond memorized it. Mostly I've been afraid it sucks...so I was pleasantly surprised when I read the last 20k words I've written. It's not brilliant work, but it's cohesive. It might be slow, but it makes sense for the most part, and the best part is, it's improving - I think.